Maggie at the Movies
Not a critic, just an opinionater
Maggie's 2008 Movie List
If you find any films missing from this list, there are three possible reasons:
(1) I have not heard of them yet
(2) I have no intention of watching them, now or Netflix
(3) I did not even consider them worth my effort to ridicule
|
Opening Date |
Film Title | Stars | Details | Maggie's Musings |
| April 25 | Deception | Hugh Jackman, Ewan McGregor |
An accountant is introduced to a mysterious sex club by his charismatic new lawyer friend, but he soon becomes the prime suspect in a woman's disappearance and a multi-million dollar heist. | I'll see anything with Hugh. McGregor's not too shabby either, especially when he drops his pants. Which he does in most movies he's in. Except Star Wars. Too bad. I would have liked to have seen Obi-Wan's obig wand. |
| May 2 | Made of Honor | Patrick
Dempsey, Michelle Monaghan |
A reformed serial dater is asked by his best friend to be the maid of honor at her wedding. | "My Best Friend's Wedding" minus the charm of Julia Roberts. Maybe I'll put it in my Netflix queue, right after the documentary on Reconstruction-era America. You think I'm kidding. I really have that in my queue. I like being edjeeecated. |
| May 2 | Iron Man | Robert Downey
Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow |
Inventor Tony Stark creates a high-tech suit of armor to battle some evil Afghans (as in the people, not the shawls) and other international terrorists. | Downey-soft, Downey-fresh, Downey-hot. I want to go to HIS rehab center. As long as they have a women's program. Huge biceps on me would attract a totally different demographic. |
| May 2 | XXY | Ricardo Darín, Valeria Bertuccelli, Inés Efron |
A 15-year-old intersex person becomes engaged in a relationship and must decide on his/her sexuality. | Sounds totally original and fascinating. Hope it lives up to the hype. |
| May 9 | Noise | Tim Robbins | A man who is being driven crazy by the noise in New York City decides to take vigilante action against it. | There but for the grace of God go I. |
| May 9 | What Happens in Vegas | Ashton Kutcher, Cameron Diaz |
Two drunken strangers get married in Vegas, then when they win a multimillion dollar prize, they have to stay married to keep it. | This may turn out to be kinda stupid and barely funny...but if this week's episode of Animal Cops Detroit is a three-peat, then maybe I could make time for Ash & Cam. Or I'll put it in my 'flix queue for later. Then again, I've already got 247 titles in my queue and I'm not gonna bump "America's Most Scenic Drives" for this. Again, you think I'm kidding. I have an eclectic queue. |
| May 16 | The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian | Ben Barnes | More feel-good, Christian-imagery storytelling from C.S. Lewis. | #2 in the series 7. |
| May 23 | Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull | Harrison Ford, Karen Allen, Shia LaBeouf |
Duh. | LaBeouf is a
good actor but I don't know if he has enough charisma to inherit the Indy mantle. I'll cut him a break, though; he's in tough company. Ford is hotter at
66 than a lot of men half his age. Why, oh why won't Lucas make Star Wars Episodes 7, 8 & 9 like he originally intended? I want to see an old Han Solo and an old Luke Skywalker fight a resurgent Empire in one last battle. Lots of room there for old jokes as they fight their age as much as the enemy. I have only one rule: As little CGI as possible. Okay, two rules: And Lucas can't write the dialogue. Okay, three rules: And he can't direct it either. Oh, never mind. |
| May 30 | Sex and the City: The Movie | Sara Jessica
Parker & gang |
What happened after the TV show ended. | I read the book that started it all - very good. But I never watched the TV show. Never wanted to pony up the dough for HBO. Maybe I'll catch this flick and get caught up. I'll have to fill in the gaps myself I guess cause ain't no way I'm plowing through 6 seasons on DVD in two weeks. |
| June 6 | When Did You Last See Your Father? | Colin Firth | A son's moving memoir of his father in the weeks leading up to the father's death. | Having too much fun this summer with the recession, foreclosures, corporate layoffs, the exorbitant price of gas and the skyrocketing price of food? This wet blanket of a film will help cool down your rollicking spirit. Good times. |
| June 13 | The Incredible Hulk | Edward Norton | The Not-So-Jolly Green Giant is back. Again. No, it's not a sequel. It's a remake of the remake. Different David Banner (Norton replaces Bana) but the same CGI Hulk. I'm confused. |
How many CG-saturated remakes
of this Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde story do we really need? Isn't there
a REAL PERSON out there who can play the avocado alter ego? Damn, I'm
tired of looking at "emotion" on graphically-rendered faces. In the age of steroids (or "Vitamin B injections" if you're Roger Clemens), I'm sure there are beefcakes out there who could put Lou Ferrigno to shame. For a storyline that is pretty unbelievable to start with, you are reeeeeally stretching my suspension of disbelief when the CG Hulk manages to keep a normal-sized guy's pants on when he blows up to 10 times that size. Come ON. If Peter Jackson could get 5'11" Ian McKellen to look like a giant next to 5'6" Elijah Wood, then any filmmaker relying on CGI for that FX is just downright lazy. When it comes to comic-book movies, director Louis Leterrier (and even the beloved Ang Lee who directed the 2003 version), seem to be of the George-Lucus-Star-Wars-Episodes-1-3 school of film "realism." The CGI rendering of the Hulk is just too cartoony and flat, which makes him less scary than even Jar-Jar. |
| June 13 | The Happening | Mark Walberg, Zooey Deschanel |
The latest from M. Night Shyamalan. A so-called "environmental nightmare" piece. | This is fiction? |
| June 20 | Get Smart | Steve Carell, Anne Hathaway, Alan Arkin |
What happened after the TV show ended. Or something like that. | Loved the TV show. Love Steve Carell. Look for sales of shoe phones to outstrip iPhones this Christmas. |
| July 2 | Hancock | Will Smith | A superhero who is apparently something of a bum. | It's certainly time for some superhero satire to offset the straight-up stuff. (I am an alliteration queen.) Let's see if Mr. July hits another home run this summer. |
| July 11 | Religulous | Bill Maher | Bill Maher takes on religion. | And just when the publicity was so good lately, what with the YFZ cult and the Reverend Wright. |
| July 18 | The Dark Knight | Christian Bale, Heath Ledger |
("Batman Returns 2") The Caped Crusader takes on the city's newest villain -- The Joker. | Heath's last hurrah. |
| July 25 | The X-Files | David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson |
What happened after the TV show ended. | I know this TV
show was popular but I found it to be one of the most annoying series
ever written. The storylines were good but I couldn't get past the
dialogue. Ever notice how they used one another's last names in almost
every sentence? "Muldur, what do
you think it is?" |
| Aug 1 | Swing Vote | Kevin Costner, Paula Patton, Kelsey Grammer |
In a remarkable turn-of-events, the result of the presidential election comes down to one man's vote. | Might be cute. It's always fun watching Costner play a good ole boy. |
| Aug 15 | Tropic Thunder | Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Robert Downey Jr. |
A film within a film about Vietnam. Downey's character is a white Aussie "method actor" who dies his skin black to play an African-American soldier. | A blend of Platoon, Black Like Me and Ben Stiller's questionable humor. Expect backlash from Rev. Wright (him again) and Al Sharpton. |
| Aug 22 | Crossing Over | Harrison Ford, Sean Penn |
Border patrol political drama. | The producers wanted to tell the story of illegal immigrants but the would-be audience may stay away, since the title implies either Patrick Swayze's big comeback in a "Ghost" sequel or a documentary on the life of Elizabeth Kubler Ross. |
| Aug 22 | Hamlet 2 | Steve Coogan, Elisabeth Shue |
A high school drama teacher mounts (pun intended) a musical sequel to Hamlet which features the Tucson Gay Men's Chorus. | Lord, don't tell me what the Gay Men's Chorus does with Yorick's skull. |
| Aug 29 | Babylon A.D. | Vin Diesel, Michelle Yeoh |
A veteran-turned-mercenary takes a high-risk assignment to escort a woman out of Russia but she is carrying a synthetic virus that could end life on the planet. | What can I say...I think Vin is hot. Not the greatest actor but still pretty hot. Voice like a Mack truck. Body like a Mack truck. Hair like a...um...did I mention a voice like a Mack truck? |
| Nov 14 | Australia | Nicole Kidman, Hugh Jackman, David Wenham |
An Englishwoman and a cattleman try to save her ranch. | The Aussies - Kidman, Jackman, Wenham - unite! Chant the mantra with me: Hugh, Hugh, Hugh. |
| Nov 21 | Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince | Daniel
Radcliffe, et al |
Duh. | I already have tickets to see Radcliffe naked and "losing his virginity" (*snort*...like he still has it with all those Potter groupies everywhere) in Equus on Broadway this coming fall. Then I get to see him as virginal Harry Potter a month later. Will have to say a lot of Hail Mary's to purge the juxtaposition of those images. And I'm not even Catholic. |
| Nov 26 | Four Christmases | Vince Vaughan, Reese Witherspoon, Robert Duvall |
A couple visit all four of their divorced parents on Christmas Day. | Might be funny. Vaughn good. Reese good. Duvall good. Concept: "Best Friends" times two. Then again, might suck. |
| Nov 26 | The Road | Viggo
Mortensen, Charlize Theron |
A man tries to bring his son to safety in a post-apocalyptic world. | Viggo sheds Aragorn for a history of violence and showers Charlize with eastern promises, all while riding Hidalgo. No, I just made that up. |
| Dec 12 | Seven Pounds | Will Smith, Rosario Dawson, Woody Harrelson |
The story of a man who will change the lives of seven strangers. | Mr. July gets serious in December as he seeks out seven people who are related to him via six degrees of separation. Or something like that. |
| Dec 19 | The Curious Case of Benjamin Button | Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Tilda Swinton |
A man born in 1918 New Orleans ages backward into the 21st century. | Love the cast. Love time travel. Maybe this one's a keeper. I guess he'll be a babe by the time Katrina hits. |
| Dec 19 | Revolutionary Road | Leonardo
DiCaprio, Kate Winslet |
Two suburbanites in 1950s Connecticut become stuck in an increasingly unfulfilling marriage. | The story of what would have happened if Jack had the good sense to find a piece of wood to float on next to Rose, so they could both live to fight over the giant blue diamond in the divorce settlement. |
| Dec 25 | Frost/Nixon | Frank Langella, Michael Sheen, Sam Rockwell |
British talk-show host David Frost interviews Richard Nixon after Watergate. | Based on the Broadway play. Even if you hated Nixon, this will be intriguing. As the great sweaty one said: "A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits." Or is forced out. Can't wait for the comedy sequel: "Colbert/Bush" |
And we can't forget...
| Aug 25-28 | Democratic National Convention |
Barak, The B&H Show, the Tucson Gay Men's Chorus |
Like watching CNN, except...well, it's exactly like watching CNN. | Obamarama |
| Sep 1-4 | Republican National Convention |
Mac, W, the Hitler Youth | Like watching CSPAN, except even less exciting. | Snoozerama |
Copyright © Maggie C. and The Hilltop Observer